I have decided to dedicate the first Sunday of each month to something a
little more religiously uplifting. For any readers that aren't spiritual,
I apologize. I hope this doesn't deter you away from my blog as I personally
don't make it a point to push church on to anyone but this will be a
consistent posting; and of course can be ignored. ;)
**At the same time,
if anyone has questions I am willing to answer to the best of my knowledge or
direct you to a suitable answer.**
As you can see I will be titling this series "Sweet Spirit
Sunday." I'm not certain as to what I'll be posting on these weeks
but I'm going to be relying on what my heart feels compelled to say. Today I
think that the best way to start is with a simple introduction and where I am at
when it comes to religion.
Both Zack and I were raised LDS (Latter-Day Saints), or if you will, Mormon.
Both our families currently have a very strong foundation in the church. We,
however, became inactive a few years ago separately. We weren't party animals
that went around doing every "bad" thing in the book but we weren't
living the Gospel principles and definitely valued other things more than what
we were taught to value.
I'm not going to pin point the exact moment when I decided I didn't want to
attend church or do/don't do certain things but looking back I think I can
attribute a good portion of my attitude to the company I had, pride, lack of
desire, and just pure laziness. It was easier to surround myself with
friends that didn't necessarily encourage the path that I had been traveling.
It was easier to think that I didn’t need the church in my life because
everything was going fine. It was easier to sleep in and not accept callings
and deny the help that was sent my way. I stopped caring. I take full
responsibility for the care-free, selfish, arrogance about me; and though I
didn’t realize it at the time, it was disgusting.
The choices I was making were not the choices I needed to make to plan for
my eternity. In all honesty, the choices I'd been making were taking me down a
path I didn’t want to be on. And with complete sincerity I am so grateful I got
away before I was too far into the woods.
I’m sure curiosity is boiling for some of you. I’ll say it now; I’m not here
to confess my past to the internet. All you need to know is that to me, though
a small degree, I was sinning.
For any of you that are reading this and thinking I’m looking down on anyone
who chooses a different life, don’t. These aren’t my intentions. I know there
are many lifestyles out there and I respect them. What’s right or wrong for me
may not be right or wrong for you; and that is fine. But the teachings I
consumed when my mind and heart were opened are what I feel to be true. It’s
the lifestyle I am choosing. The same way I don’t expect to be judged for my
beliefs is the same way I hope you know I’m not judging.
Just like I don’t recall “leaving” the church I don’t remember when I
decided that I wanted to change. What I do know is that it was a personal
choice. It needed to be. I also know that I have my husband to thank. He came
into my life sooner than I thought I’d be finding “the one” but I strongly
believe he was put in my way at the exact moment God needed him to be there for
me.
For some time that we were together we were both inactive. It wasn’t until
the last few months that we decided to dive into our new commitment of
returning to church. Even though we weren’t attending church then (and even
after) I knew from the moment I decided that he was the one I was going to spend
my life with that ‘til death wasn’t going to be long enough. I wanted him
forever. For eternity. It took a lot of trials and some heart ache to
acknowledge the desire and grasp the fact that together, we needed to change.
I mentioned the need to change being a personal choice. I would like to
reiterate this statement. Nobody can force you into changing your ways but
yourself. Along the way you may be coerced by others or situations that can
hold you back but if your will is strong enough, they won’t be successful. We
knew what was expected of us from others. To return to church and use that fork
in the road as a turning point. Until we, as a couple, chose to do it for us
and not anyone else we weren’t going anywhere.
We weren’t married in the temple. In the back of our heads that was our goal
but there was no sense of urgency. The idea was just…. there. Today I can say
with certainty, and whole-heartedly, that this will be our next milestone as a
family in this church. I can’t wait to make covenants to my other half, the
future father of my littles, my loving husband.
Life is beautiful and horrible at the same time. And no matter what it is if
you don’t believe in something you can take some pretty tough beatings. I’m
happy I have a supportive family. People that want what I want and are willing
to help me achieve the goals that I want to achieve. I have a new positive
attitude on what is in store for me and I look forward to sharing it.
